Family Tradition

We are back from the 2007 Family Reunion. We had a blast while we were there, but not so much on the road trip to and from. Here is my take from the events that transpired.

Sunday 22nd:
We travel 12 hours from Round Rock to Garden City, Kansas. M only took a 30 minute nap and, although taken by the portable DVD player, wakes up S from her naps several times. (Thanks to the W's for the player. It would've been much worse without.) The GPS system that Nana borrowed tells us a weird way to get to our hotel, bringing us to the first 6-way stop I've ever seen. You think you sit through incredibly long lights, try getting to the intersection of that puppy just after your direction just turned red. Uh-huh. That's what I thought. Upon exiting the car at the motel, my nostrils are offended by the smell of cattle feces. Little did I know it would be a full week before I smelled the fresh air of Texas. The Motel 8 in Garden City was cheap and I didn't care because it was just one night. Wow! You really do get what you pay for. Our toddler had black feet after spending a few minutes on the carpet. Yuck. She had the hardest time getting to and staying asleep that night. Sheesh!

Monday 23rd:
More time in the car. We spend another fun-filled 8 hours in the car that are an almost exact replicate of Sunday. After dumping our stuff at the Inn, we head over to Uncle Paul and Aunt Mary's house (hereafter known as The Hub), where most of the loitering occurred during the week. After a couple of hours hanging at their place, we headed back to the hotel for baths and bed. Getting to sleep was only marginally easier. Oh, and it took us coming to Nebraska for our first 100° day this year. Not that I'm complaining. I'll take the rain.

Tuesday 24th:
Things are in full swing as more relatives get into town. We lunch briefly at Great Gramma and Grampa Adams' house, leaving for naps before most of the folks arrived. We all got a little sleep before we headed back to The Hub for dinner and more family.

Wednesday 25th:
I hustle two of C's cousins at pool before lunch. Like riding a bike. Everybody comes over to The Hub. And by everybody, I mean upwards of 90 people. No joke. The details are a little sketchy, but we hung out with the fam some more. By this time Mallory was having lots of fun palling around with cousin Quinlan. They had lots of fun together. Thankfully she wasn't around while he skinny dipped in the pool.

Thursday 26th:
The day that will simply be called "Who's Your Daddy?" Day. According to Family Reunion Tradition, one afternoon all the guys go out and shoot guns. Now, I will preface this section by saying that it's been a good 10 years, if not more, since I shot guns with my Stepdad and his kids. So, it's not just shooting guns. It's a full-on competition with winners and losers brackets. First up is the .22 pistol competition. Five bowling pins were set up for each contestant with 10 shots in the magazine. I took out cousin Jesse 6-2. Next they called me over for shotguns. And not just shotguns...skeet shooting. Here's what the guys said "It's real easy. Just line the bead up and lead it a bit and aim a little low." Pshaw! Right! Having never used a shotgun, let alone aiming at skeet, I tell my partner that I will make him look good. The system was a primary shooter and the cleanup. I missed all 5 of mine and the one he didn't hit. I whimpered on back to the .22 rifle competition where I calmly hit 6 out of 7. Not enough to win, but quite respectable. Then came the .22 pistol winners bracket. I was against Sterling, a man who's been around guns most of his life. The first round we tied by knocking down 3 of 5 pins. The first tiebreaker it took us both three shots to knock down two pins, with my second pin being felled by my last bullet. In the second tiebreaker, Sterling had knocked down his pin. Down to my last shot, I coolly took out my pin. In the final tiebreaker, one more pin was set up with one shot. I let 'er rip and won on a technicality because my pin fell before his. Nevertheless, I was crowned ShootFest 2007 Pistol Champion. Special thanks to Uncle Paul for the cool trophy. What a guy! I know it's a little blurry, but I don't care. It's my trophy and I'll post if I want to.
Then I got called back to skeet for the losers bracket. I wouldn't say I was embarrassed by the outcome of the initial round since I met my expectations: not hitting a darned thing. On my primary shooting, I again missed all five. HOWEVER, when cousin Dar missed a shot, I lined her up and hewed her in twain (see Bible: Samuel). There was much rejoicing in the land. Mighty Casey did not strike out! A miracle it was. Definitely not skill. But a hit nonetheless. The only thing I didn't do right was sunscreen. Oh yeah. Not pretty folks. Bright red face, neck and arms.

That night was the big family dinner at the gym in Uncle Paul & Aunt Mary's church. Well, the guys set up a basketball goal and, you know me, I couldn't resist joining them, even though I was in my sandals. Not to brag, but I scored four of my team's eight points. The piece de resistance was Grampa Adams singing hymns while little Trinity danced nearby. It was priceless. A very joyful noise to his Creator.



Friday 27th:
M is really big into trains right now. Uncle Tim happens to be an engineer and he was kind enough to take us to the train-yard and show her a train. Not only that, but she got to honk the horn and ring the bell. Needless to say Uncle Tim is her favorite uncle.

We kind of recooped on Friday and didn't do much of anything. Although I did a whole lot of avoiding having to help fix the sprinkler. Phew!

Saturday 28th:
I make the executive decision that we're driving through the night. I didn't want to spend any more time in the car with Mallory awake than I had to. Sorry, the truth hurts. We go back through Garden City, KS and its 6-way stoplight, through Oklahoma and stopped at Canadian, TX for dinner. Strange, I know. We ate at the Cattle Exchange Restaurant. This would've just been a blip on the map had it not been for this staring me in the face as I entered the restroom to wash my hands:
Gotta love Texas!

Sunday 29th:
With the help of Nana keeping me awake, we pull in around 5AM, drag our tired bodies to bed and sleep a little. Well, M and I slept till around 10:30. C got up with S for a couple of hours in between. I mowed the lawn before it rain again and we just took the rest of the day off.

I had a blast with everybody. I'd go back next year in a heartbeat if it weren't for that drive. But anyhoo, thanks to Uncle Paul & Aunt Mary for being the hosts with the most. And thank God we're home.

Random Notes

One of the things that I enjoy is during suppertime when S is eating her sweet potatoes or carrots, and she just stares at me. It's kind of a blank stare. She's not smiling. She's not pouting. Just looking me in the eyes, as if to make sure that I'm still watching her. Those beautiful blue eyes peering into mine.

No work for a week! Hurray! It's going to be nice having the week off from work. I know you'll think I'm nuts, but, probably around Saturday I'll be ready to come back and get back into the swing of things. It has nothing to do with the arduous journey back home. I like that structure. That routine. And my friends at work. My boss, Jefe, was out this week with a vacation of his own, and it'll make it two weeks without seeing him. That and there's that Spades game the four of us have to finish. Both teams sit at 480, with 7 bags. It was a good back-and-forther.

Yes, the trip to Nebraska is finally upon us. The goal is to leave tomorrow by 8AM. You're probably wondering to yourself, "R, what are you doing up at 11:15 if you want to leave at 8?" All that last minute packing. We probably would've already been in bed had it not been for that pesky Fernando Ortega concert we were at. I'd say the race for the most angelic voice is neck-and-neck between him and Andrea Bocelli. Not only was he great to hear in person, he was quite humorous, with the concert being like a big family reunion he happened to be playing at.

So, a long day ahead of us tomorrow, with at least 12 hours in the car. Please pray for all of us. A special thanks to TW for allowing us to borrow their portable DVD player. I'm sure it will be a life-saver. Or two.

See you next week.

The Great Debate

C and I have gone toe-to-toe about what a locust is.

I have always called those noisy little critters that leave their brown shells on everything locusts.

C has advised me that these are in fact cicadas.

I have remained firmly entrenched in the locust contingent.

But she recently called me out about the fact that even though that's what I've called it all my life, that doesn't necessarily mean I am correct. It is not a matter of opinion, but of fact.

Today I finally did a little search and saw what Wikipedia says about cicadas: "Cicadas are sometimes called 'locusts', although they are unrelated to true locusts, which are a kind of grasshopper."

And so I bow my head in defeat, proclaiming to the world that my wife bested me in this scientific debate. Congratulations Babe. You were right and I was wrong.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to drown my sorrows in a sea of homemade peanut butter cookies.

Pet Peeve

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9

What is the second-to-last number in the sequence?






If you guessed 8, you are incorrect. If nine is the last number in the sequence, then 8 is next-to-last. Seven would therefore be second-to-last since it is two places away from the last in the sequence.

Got it?

Glad we had this talk.

Parenting Pitfalls

These things that I'll talk about are some things that I've learned, and am trying to unlearn, from the generations that came before us. Our culture has taught us, quite wrongly at times, ways of discipline that, while maybe immediately effective, generally produce no long-term heart change within a child. As parents, and especially fathers, we must struggle to maintain a correct attitude. How does our Father treat us when we disobey? How can we, I, make the best decisions when disciplining our, my, children. I will use masculine pronouns when referring to a singular parent or child. If you think it's sexist, then you have a problem.

1. I'm Bigger Than You
This style is generally undertaken by fathers, who, when repeatedly bombarded with whiny, willfully disobedient children, threaten the child into capitulating. Notice that I didn't say obeying, because true obedience is doing the right thing at the right time with the right motive. This isn't acquiescence or placation. Typically the child does what he is supposed to do because of a fear of punishment, not because it's the right thing to do.

2. The Escalator
This type tends to fall hand-in-hand with I'm Bigger Than You, but often precedes it. Usually this tactic is implemented when one, or many, calm overtures are made to encourage the child to obey. At first, it probably will be many, but as time goes on, in a long car ride perhaps, these pleas become fewer and farther between. You try to stay calm at first, but doggone it, that kid will not obey. And as time elapses, the disobedience becomes louder and/or encompasses more things. So you getting louder. And it goes back and forth until one of the parties gives up. The main problem with this pitfall is that once you get to a certain point, what used to be loud, is no longer such, but normal. Therefore, to get the same effect, you have to get louder and louder until you have no effect at all, except to deafen ears.

3. Let Them Be Kids (a.k.a. Let's Just Be Friends)
'He's just a kid.' 'Aw, he didn't mean to hurt nobody.' Well, actually, he did and it's up to him to restore the relationship/toy/valuable. This is especially dangerous because it's no discipline at all. The parent is so worried about not wanting to offend the child, or wanting his child to "like" him, he doesn't concern himself with the aftermath, namely the destructive force his child will become as he nears adulthood. This parent typically does not tell the child no or make him take responsibility for his actions. This is most grievous since as an adult you are legally responsible for your actions. Now, thanks to the ACLU and other litigious persons, one can go out of his way to be stupid or malevolent and get the benefit of other irresponsible jurors like himself to award him millions of dollars. They should be shot and hanged shortly after him. This tendency absolutely disgusts me. It sets an ugly precedent and leads down a very slippery slope. You can blame these people for all the rising healthcare costs and good doctors going out of business because their insurance premiums are sky-high. Getting back to the original point, in the end this parent is not a friend, but a joke. The kid knows when he says jump, dad will ask how high. Wanting "what's best" for junior isn't good for anyone, let alone best. A lifetime of crime or failed jobs/relationships may await his child because he doesn't know how to take 'no' for an answer. Or he cannot work within the boundaries set before him in the "real world".

4. The Absentee
This is akin to Let's Just Be Friends, but is more insidious because, although the parent is physically in the picture, he is mentally checked out. He knows his child should take responsibility for his actions, but hey, he just got home from a long day at work and doesn't really feel like being bothered. I mean, isn't that why mom stays home all day? I'm here to bring home the bacon, mow the lawn, take out the trash and try not to make too much of a mess as to be a nuisance to mom. This parent doesn't make excuses for the child. He ignores the child. And you have a young man desperately trying to please his father. The fortunate realize what's going on with the old man. The unfortunate try Solomon's route of women, spirituality and Mammon. Others try the Hank route--Jr. or Sr., take your pick--and turn to the bottle or drugs. Some end up so depressed they commit suicide.

5. My Baby
This parent doesn't know when to let go and is a distant cousin of Let's Just Be Friends. Instead of letting the child make mistakes and experience the consequences, this parent tries to shield the child. This can take the form of simply not letting the kid do/see/listen to anything that can "harm" him or not giving him opportunities to grow by making his own decisions. While well-meaning, this parent inhibits the life experiences that might have made his child better suited for marriage/fatherhood/corporate world. This pitfall fosters resentment between parent and child.

6. One Size Fits All
Unfortunately, no it doesn't. You can have four children and they all have different temperaments. While one child may only need a stern word, another will need a spanking to reinforce the rule. Still another might need several spankings an hour because he is so strong-willed, and like Ol' Blue Eyes, he'll do it his way. Don't foist one parenting style on all your children because chances are it will only be effective on one. And possibly, what worked for Johnny yesterday might not work in a few days/weeks/years.

7. The Busy Bee
Most parents want their children to do well at something. However, in the quest to find out what that something is, they're too busy hauling the kids to and from school, band practice, and soccer practice to actually develop relationships with them. Doubly doomed is the child with parents from East Asia, where the pressure is on to have kids in school on Saturdays learning a language and the violin/piano. These children aren't so much kids as employees. The extreme cases turn into vicarious living. The other side to this coin is the dad that is too busy at work to spend time with his kids. Just listen to Henry Chapin's song Cat's in the Cradle.

Now, don't be fooled. One can be all of these for long periods of time or even short stints. It is something that all parents, dads and moms, will struggle with throughout their parenting lives.

Moreover, don't be fooled. While these behaviors promote mimicry or extremism in many cases, children are resilient and can excel despite the parenting model shown them. Oftentimes there will be one parent, or a mentor, that can provide guidance to the young person on how to appropriately parent.

So what?

How can we avoid/curtail these behaviors as parents? Here are some suggestions. Caveat: I'm not particularly good at these things all the time. That huge sucking sound you just heard was the millions of people who don't read my blog simultaneously gasping in dumbfoundedness. Yeah, I like that word. Just made it up.

1. Pray
It sounds simple enough, but when practiced without ceasing, can yield a more gentle, quite spirit. This is especially important to begin your day with. This will set the tone for the day. It prepares you for the possible struggle ahead and helps you focus on the Source of your strength.

2. Read The Word
Read it topically. Read it straight through. Read it chronologically. Read it for the Names of God. Read it for the promises. Read it for its historicity. Just read it! If you have a commitment to His Word, He will be faithful to show you truth. (Note: I'm not talking about truths as in finding what's true for you, but absolute Truth, because it's true for everyone.)

3. Got Friends?
It may come as a complete shock to you, but you are not the only one going through your situation. Chances are their are couples around you fighting the same battles you are. Use them to your advantage. Pray together. Weep together. Have fun together. If you don't get out, you'll go out of your melon.

4. Focus On Your Marriage
Men, do yourselves a favor and make sure your wife has "adult time" with other women. Whether it's watching the kids for the night or at a party. Your gray hairs are an investment in her joy and sanity. This also takes the form of discussing parenting styles. This can happen before the kids arrive, but the refining fire of parenting will fine-tune your skills. This also means not disagreeing/fighting in front of the kids. If you don't agree with your spouse on an issue, defer to her in the moment, then go and talk about it later. Chances are you misunderstood because you missed something or were too fed up to think straight.

5. Study Your Children
If you make a habit of knowing your kid, you will become an expert and understand what makes him tick and what will truly motivate him to obey. It can be an encouraging word. Whatever it is, do it and do it often to show him that you care about him enough to know him. Remember that mistakes will happen, but can be a learning tool to give you insight into your child.

6. XXXOOO
Be generous with your hugs and kisses. You simply cannot give these out enough.

7. Stop
Instead of shuttling your kids between different activities, pare it down to one thing a semester. If you find you don't have enough time with your children after that, cut out some TV. I know this anecdote has been said many, many times, but it bears repeating: No father on his deathbed ever wished he had spent more time at work/with his buddies.

By no means am I an expert at this parenting thing. These are just some things I've learned along the way, and some are wisdom handed down from those who have gone before.

Hang in there. Remember that it might just be a phase, and that phase won't last. You aren't the only one. And even if you're the perfect parent, your kid can still turn out "wrong". So don't beat yourself up.

Sadie Laughing Video

Getting out of my way

Romans 12:3 tells us “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

There have been many times in the past few weeks where I have thought more highly of myself than I ought. I do a lot of things around the house; I won’t enumerate. Sometimes in the midst of one of these tasks I’ll think to myself of how I keep this house running. I start to feel like I am pulling more than my weight around here. But as soon as I do, I am reminded of how much C does. I recently remembered how an old Sunday school teacher told us that marriage isn’t 50-50...it’s 100-100. If I focus on doing “my fifty percent” then I’ll become bitter that C isn’t doing “her fifty,” when in reality she does more than her fair share. But if I understand that I am responsible for all of the things in my life, then I will notice there is quite a bit of overlap. That shows you how selfish man can be and how quickly selfishness can destroy a marriage. It also shows how a spiritual gift/love language can become distorted. When I focus on the things I’m doing instead of who I’m doing them for, I begin to resent the person I’m doing it for. And it’s not as though I’m even focusing on the right person that I should be doing these acts for. I shouldn’t focus on doing things for C, but for the glory of God, as Colossians 3:23, 24 say “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

So I need to remember Who I am doing these things for and to take care of my gift. If I don’t use it properly, it will begin to atrophy, and then it will be of no use.