Tipping

Okay, so I'll start this rant by mentioning that I was a waiter/server on and off for three years at a joint called Italiani's in the DFW metroplex. Enjoyed it thoroughly. If you take pride in your work and do things well, you should make out like a bandit. Now, why, oh why, when your livelihood depends on it, would you just lollygag through your shift and not do the things necessary to earn serious coin?
Apparently there is this unwritten rule that, once a waiter, you are expected to tip 20% because you know that this is how they get by. Well, I say Whoa Hoss! Just wait a minute. Some of these people aren't busting their humps like I did, so why should I give them an automatic large tip simply because I was one of them? Now, I know they have nothing to do with how long a dish comes out of the kitchen once they order it. And always keep them informed if something isn't going according to planned. If you show them you're on top of the situation, they're less likely to complain, which means better tip for you. But there is a science to timing a meal. If they order an appetizer, you wait three to five minutes and put in their entree request, that way they get their main course when they're done with the app, if not only a minute or two later. If you do err, it's better to err on being a little late, because no one likes to get their meal when they haven't yet finished their salad or appetizer. And always, ALWAYS, do a quality check two to three minutes after they get their food, whatever portion it is. A pet peeve of mine is the two extremes: either they ask you how your food is when you haven't had a bite yet, or they don't ask at all. Also, don't wait for the drinks to be gone. As soon as the cup is half empty, or half full for you "positive-thinking types," get them a new beverage. The only caveat would be tea drinkers, who usually like to maintain a certain sweetness ratio, so filling up their glass when it's half empty upsets the balance. To end the meal, if a dessert tray is available, and seriously, why wouldn't restaurants have one available, bring it out to the table and let them see what they're missing. Don't just ask them if they'd like a dessert. That way, if you bring it out you can always propose a piece to go.
Moreover, I know there will be the inevitable slow time when you're standing around a little bit and those times when you do need to take a breather. But just don't stand around. Patrons peruse the restaurant and if they see you just standing around and not checking out your section whilst conversing with coworkers, they're more apt to slight you. And if you smoke, waft it off a little bit before going to your tables. Always have a smile on your face and try to make a little small talk during your short time. And if you had a great time with them, ask them their names and do your best to remember. And finally, your best selling point, ask them to come back and ask for you. You'd be surprised at how many people did just that. They feel like they connected with you and they felt cared for.
So, follow these simple steps and a 20% tip will be yours. If you mess up on a few of these things, it'll probably be closer to 15%. If you look like you just don't give a hoot, don't be surprised to find yourself with 10%. And remember, it was your fault. You're in charge of making your money. If you don't suggestively sell (i.e. "Would you like a glass of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay or a Spinach-Artichoke Formaggio to start off with?" instead of "Would you like an appetizer? and my personal favorite "You want some alcohol?") and don't pay attention to what's going on in your section, you're liable to wind up on the short end.
Alright, so this is really it. If you get a table with all waters, no appetizers and cheap entrees or a family with three kids, don't let them see you frustrated, and don't be frustrated. Yes, that means you'll by default get a little lower tip. But show them love. They have friends who they'll tell about your restaurant and you. Make sure they're telling good things.